I’ve said this before: memes are great. They help you make sense of the world. Or make fun of it – an arguably more helpful exercise in these polarised, unpredictable times.
A meme I’ve seen recently features a naked baby sitting on a waterlogged seashore, a puzzled expression on his chubby face. He looks like a tiny philosopher, pondering: “It seems I’ve once again incarnated in human form. The tide, coming and going, mirrors the impulse of The Source of Being*, flowing in and out of material reality, a veritable reflection of the adumbrations of the universe, the macrocosm in the microcosm.” Finally, he concludes: “There’s a great deal of sand in my crack!” Fun punchline. Total contrast with the previous ramblings. Juxtaposition of the philosophical and the physical, of the conceptual and the crude, of wisdom and innocence. A helpless baby putting the world to rights.
What bothers me about this meme is the bits I don’t understand. It bothers me enough that – yes, I’ll admit it – I decide to look them up. Cue some puzzled expressions on my own face, grimacing as I google the unfamiliar words and concepts, mouthing the words as I piece the meaning together. Adumbrations, I learn, means ‘foreshadowings’. Then I realise, for goodness’ sake, I’m a linguist, I should have known that. The prefix ‘ad’ conveys the sense of ‘moving towards’, and ‘umbra’ means ‘shadow’. Ach well, I’ve worked it out now, better late than never, hopefully I’ll retain what I’ve learned.
I wonder, as I often do these days, if I’m getting stupider as I get older. Maybe the only bit of ‘adumbrations’ I’ll end up retaining is the ‘dumb’. Maybe hormonal changes are slowing down my brain as well as my body. Endometriosis, like so many other chronically painful conditions, is so tiring – and a tired brain is a less capable brain. Will I always feel like this? Maybe I shouldn’t write myself off just yet. Am I being a defeatist or a realist?
A strange thing has happened to my confidence lately. On the one hand, it’s taken quite a battering, as I’ve been forced to confront my physical limitations and face up to the impact of these on my mental capacities. On the other hand, I have had to learn to care so much less about so many things, which leaves me plenty of space to focus on what matters most. This in turn brings a sense of liberation and self-acceptance. So what if I am the ‘dumb’ in ‘adumbrations’? It’s better than being the ‘brat’.
* Only look up The Source of Being if you have time. Lots of time.
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