A division bell, helpfully defined by Collins English Dictionary, is “a bell rung in a parliament to signal a division.” Hmmm. Nope, that still doesn’t help me understand the reason for the Pink Floyd album title. Thank goodness for the band’s David Gilmour who, in a 1994 radio interview*, explained, “… it is a bell that rings to summon all the members of Parliament to go to … the House of Commons, and to divide into yeas and nays to vote on the issues. … because, often in debates in the house of Parliament, the members of Parliament are not necessarily all there. Some of them may already have made up their minds … They get to the point where they finish debating, they ring this bell, everyone that’s in the area comes down … to vote one way or the other.” Thank you, Professor Gilmour. So much for traditional educational sources. And, come to think of it, so much for Parliament. Imagine if we could all do our jobs by making pre-defined decisions. We’d all be finished work by breakfast time.
Media sources broadly agree that the importance of talking, and what can go wrong in the absence of communication, form the major theme of the album. Indeed, its first US single and ninth track, Keep Talking, deals directly with this theme and features samples of Stephen Hawking’s electronic voice, saying, “For millions of years, mankind lived just like the animals. … All we need to do is make sure we keep talking.”
Back to Professor Gilmour: “It’s the voice of Stephen Hawking, who is the professor who wrote this book called A Brief History of Time, it’s a huge, huge popular book. And he’s suffering from motor-neurone disease, and he’s in a wheelchair, he can’t speak, and this is a voice synthesizer computer thing that has been built for him. I think he can only move one finger, a tiny, tiny little bit, and he works it all with that. And … I saw an advert on the television in England, for a telephone company … and his voice was on this advertisement. And … this advertisement nearly made me weep. … they used him in the advert, I mean he was in it, on his, in his wheelchair. He looks kind of strange. Um … and I just found it so moving that I felt that I had to try and do something with it.”
How many relationships fail due to poor communication? Can talking solve all of a person’s problems, or even all of humanity’s? Perhaps not. There are plenty of problems with no solution, at least not that I know of. However, I’m pretty sure that most problems cannot be solved by not talking. Although talking is sometimes easier said than done.
Take this morning, for example. I called my local GP surgery (yet again, I know), to ask for help regarding some of the more uncomfortable side effects of the sudden onset of menopause that I’m currently experiencing. The receptionist listened politely, while I fumbled and mumbled my way through a description of my symptoms. She let me continue, all the way through my embarrassment, before politely asking me to call back later, as the surgery’s computer systems were currently down. I thanked her in what I hoped was an equally polite manner, hung up, and had a bit of a laugh to myself. I would have to do that all over again! I suspect that the receptionist was having a wee chuckle too, once she put the phone down. She and her colleagues must have to field quite a few awkward phone calls in any given day.
I persisted, and finally got myself on the appointment list, after three more attempts. (No joke!) Fortunately, by the end of my fourth time describing my symptoms, I was so used to saying the words that I wasn’t embarrassed anymore. They’re just words, after all.
Which brings me to another word: sex. The aim of this blog is, after all, to share (not to overshare, promise!) my experiences of endometriosis, in such a way that I can reclaim ownership of myself, my body, my life and my confidence. I would also be honoured if I could help others to understand what they and their loved ones are going through, or even if I could just raise awareness.
OK, let’s try to do that then. Exhale, think. Sex is … umm … Sex can be … aaagh, why am I finding it so difficult to write about sex?! Other bodily functions? No problem! My uterus? Practically a star in its own right (brat). Sex is just a process that happens at the other end of that; so, what is the big deal**?!
Umm. Another thing that doesn’t help is that, at the moment, I feel about as sexy as a turd wrapped in turds, sautéed in turds and garnished with turdlets, served on a bed of dead cockroaches. (Sorry for the multiple references to turds there. They’re just so versatile.)
I’ll try approaching this from a different angle (as it were). Pain during or after sex, according to nhs.uk, is called dyspareunia. Ouch. This unappealing word, roughly translated from the ancient Greek, means ‘difficulty lying with’, and applies both to women and to men. There are numerous potential reasons why a person might experience dyspareunia. I’ll let the NHS elaborate on these†. In women, endometriosis is just one potential cause of dyspareunia, and this in turn can manifest itself as various types of pain, such as stabbing pain, radiating pain, or aching, which can be experienced both during and after the sexual act itself.
The effects can be devastating, for the individual, for their partner, and even for their family. A person might choose to suffer in silence. They might participate reluctantly in sex, be hindered from enjoying it fully, or they might avoid sex altogether. This might be their preferred option, of course; but it can be a significant barrier to intimacy for anyone who does wish to enjoy that closeness. Changes in sexual behaviour, whether active or subconscious, are a cue that is picked up by partners sooner or later. The partner might choose to continue in silence, pushing worries to the back of their mind. This too can produce behavioural cues that are picked up, despite a person’s best efforts. Sooner or later, tensions arise and divisions are created. In a family setting, this can cause children distress, which can add to the stresses already affecting their parents. Ultimately, relationships can disintegrate. Dyspareunia is unlikely to be the sole cause, but it can be a significant factor.
It is no exaggeration to say that endometriosis changes lives. In my own experience, talking about my symptoms has helped enormously. Similarly, I would urge anyone suffering dyspareunia not to suffer in silence, and to reach out to someone they can trust. For many people, that someone will be their partner, but it doesn’t have to be – it can be a friend, a counsellor, or a doctor. (Maybe not the postman, though. He’s busy, after all.) There are also some great online sources of information and advice††. Most of all, though, you need to take a deep breath, and talk! It’s like Professor Hawking said: “All we need to do is make sure we keep talking.”
* https://pfco.neptunepinkfloyd.co.uk/band/interviews/grp/grpredbeard.html
**If my husband is reading this: of course sex is a big deal, darling.
† https://www.nhs.uk/common-health-questions/sexual-health/why-does-sex-hurt/
†† For information and advice on dyspareunia / endometriosis, you could try:
- https://sexualadviceassociation.co.uk
- https://www.jeanhailes.org.au/health-a-z/sex-sexual-health/painful-sex-dyspareunia#
- http://endometriosis.org/resources/articles/painful-intercourse/
- https://endometriosis-uk.org/get-support
For information and advice on sexual health issues and the menopause, you could try:
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